A Heartfelt Ode To My Influencers

If you’ve ever hiked in rocky wilderness above timberline and through backcountry, you’ve probably come across cairns. Pronounced karn, it is a stack of rocks that marks a trail in otherwise indistinguishable environments. People hiking the backcountry, especially through rocky areas like landslides, create them so others can find their way.

When I started writing erotica in 2020, I was looking for literary cairns. Guide stones for successful paths to be appreciated, analyzed, and returned to if I lost my way.

There are many content creators out there. My heart and mind gravitated towards ones that spoke to me.

If I was going to give writing erotica a fair shot, I would need to find content creators that touched my emotions and my curiosities. I knew I would process and learn best from audio content, and that I needed it from a broad spectrum of genres to expand and challenge my thoughts.

The first trait I wanted to hone was the ability to tell a story. All forms of erotica have value for someone. Tales that strung together emotions and painted scenarios I wanted to get lost in.

The second was writing in the short story format. I quickly became comfortable writing 1500-4000 words. A couple of my stories have stretched to ~15,000 words, but I haven’t found a market for them. It’s either short story or a book, unless I wanted to self-publish. Over time I could see releasing a longer story, or even a compilation with stories of varied lengths. But I know I’ll never be able to organize and manage my thoughts well enough to write an erotic novel.

The third was present day knowledge. I stay abreast with many things, but make no assumptions that my knowledge is all-encompassing, especially with intimacy and relationships. There’s also the rise of alternative lifestyle comfort. The influencers listed below keep me “in the know” on many things. Browser searches work great, too. If I search for something and page after page of content pops up, then it’s usually worth gaining an understanding.

And then there are my limitations and shortcomings.

I am well aware of my limitations and shortcomings, starting with poor reading and retention skills. I’ve developed coping mechanisms to succeed at many things in life, and a few work here, but I am an experiential and auditory learner at heart. I’ll try most things twice, because you really can’t envision all possibilities beforehand. Just don’t ask me to be part of a monthly discussion group. I’ll have no clue where we left off at.

That’s why I love, LOVE podcasts and eBooks. They’re my primary form of listening pleasure when I’m driving, cycling, hiking and getting things done around the house.

I also get caught up in emotion and curiosity when reading or listening to stories. Some of the many squirrels I chase. I’ve squelched those by having my device speak a story back to me in its monotonic voice, so I can focus on structure and grammar. It also helped me get better with transitional phrases. I have a wonderful mentor that has guided me along in all this, and I’ll let you know when she releases her upcoming book on just that.

Here now, I present an ode to my influencers. Content providers that have had tremendous influence on me.

I have filtered through dozens of content providers to find the ones that currently have a tremendous influence on me. Some have improved my writing abilities, some my knowledge base about sexuality and genres, and some both. Am I name-dropping? YES!, but with a grateful heart for being instrumental in my explorations:

Dr. Emily Morse’s Sex With Emily Website and Podcast. I see her as the modern-day equivalent of Dr. Ruth, a comprehensive sexuality knowledge source. I struck gold with Dr. Emily early on.

Amy Baldwin & April Lampert’s Shameless Sex Podcast. I first heard them on Dr. Emily’s podcast as they were getting their podcast going. They know their stuff, and bring in knowledge sources when needed. Their format feels like I’m chatting with friends and drinks at the beach.

Joan Price. I’m on the older side of life. Joan writes beautifully about having the sex life you want at any age. This also addresses sex when there are other physical limitations at work.

The KMQ, or Kiss Me Quick’s Website and Podcast with Rose Caraway. My other gold mine. Nobody makes stories come alive like Rose. Her voice-over skills rival the best in any industry. Husband Dayv’s aural textures take their audio stories over the top.

Rachel Kramer Bussel. Rose creates audio versions for much of her content. Rachel’s dozens of erotica anthologies run the genre gamut, and she’s been so welcoming in creating opportunities for authors in well-honed, highly rated collections.

I love Dr. Wednesday Martin. Her podcast with Whitney Miller, True Sex & Wild Love influenced my mindset as I began writing. Similar to Shameless Sex, but with Dr. Martin’s pop culture and social commentary. The content strokes my nerdy side for perspectives.

The Sexuality Space Website and Podcast with Dr. Donna Jennings. Did you ever have a professor that everyone fought to get? That’s her. Donna brilliantly talks through all facets of sexuality, with delivery and engagement that feel like we’re friends chatting on a porch, sipping drinks and watching the world go by. Her stories capture the balance of emotion and intellect I strive for beautifully.

Mischa Eliot. She is such a crafty writer and wordsmith. I find myself reading some of her things two or three times to comprehend her subtle nuances.

Oleander Plume. I asked her for critical feedback, and she delivered in spades, challenging me to do better. Like Dr. J, she elevated my writing game immensely.

The Future of Sex Podcast with Bryony Cole. Another nerd-tickler. I love hearing about the integration of humanity, psychology and technology.

The Glow West Podcast with Dr. Caroline West. I appreciate Dr. West from Ireland bringing international perspectives to sexual wellness.

Justin Lehmiller’s Sex and Psychology Podcast. Wonderful research-based discussions on all elements of sex, psychology and the human experience.

Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin? Webpage and Podcast. Esther is a renown couples therapist. Her discreet podcast provides perspective to my scenarios.

Leyna Nguyen’s Consenting Adults Podcast. This Emmy Award-winning journalist leads an interview podcast involving adults engaging in alternative lifestyles. Leyna’s interview skills connect people’s explorations with humanity so well.

The Front Porch Swingers Website and Podcast with Brenna and Bryan. This amazing lifestyle couple provides great perspectives on living their reality responsibly and ethically.

Miss Nookie’s Dating Kinky Webpage and Dating Kinky Podcast. The site tagline says it’s built by kinksters for kinksters. I find it’s so much more than that, delving into humanity and relationships. She has spurred so many long, topical conversations with friends.